I’ve been doing a lot of work lately on myself. Some phases of life I feel like I just have to ride out and learn from later, but this current phase, it’s different. I have to figure myself out as I move forward, in order to move forward. I’ve been resisting it. But the time has come to realize exactly the work I have to do for myself.

While these are more personal things, it greatly affects my work and passion as a foster parent. I was driving back from a number of appointments this week in Greenville, and it gave me some very needed alone time – just me and music and God. (thumbs up emoji)

I have felt so rushed recently. There are many changes on the horizon for Jonathon and I, but none of them are coming very quickly. Everything seem to be dragging on, no conclusions, not ever really an end in sight for all of these potential future plans we have. I don’t do well with that. I need things to happen. I can MAKE things happen. I’m good at that. But God is slowing me down. He is giving me His peace when I didn’t even ask for it. He’s helping me breathe when I didn’t know I needed to. He’s showing me His glorious attribute of being wise, when I didn’t remember I should be looking to His guidance. For it’s He who made me think the way I do, and this last month I have so easily forgotten to turn to my Maker for the things I need.

So today, while I drive for hours when I’d rather be sleeping because I have a sinus infection, one of my favorite songs came on. And God showed me subtly, not tauntingly, that I’m missing the point. That He is refocusing me on how to break through my pride and put in the hard work to make myself a better person – a more diligent student of His Word, a more responsible steward of His Temple, a more humble servant to His People, a more secure Daughter of an Almighty God.

So let this song (with some minor commentary) sink into your soul like it did mine today. 

The Actual Version:
I could just sit and wait for all Your goodness
Hope to feel Your presence
And I could just stay
I could just stay right where I am and hope to feel You
Hope to feel something again

And I could hold on
I could hold on to who I am and never let You
Change me from the inside
And I could be safe
I could be safe here in Your arms and never leave home
Never let these walls down

But You have called me higher
You have called me deeper
And I’ll go where You will lead me Lord
You have called me higher
You have called me deeper
And I’ll go where You lead me Lord
Where You lead me
Where You lead me Lord

The Heidi Version:

I’m doing okay in life. I think I got this. Some days are tough, but things work out. Jesus knows I want to love Him, and I give Him the glory for our ministry and success.

I know I have some flaws. I know I should be a better wife, a more patient person, and take better care of myself. I’m doing okay.


Okay, so maybe I should work on some stuff.

Buuttt Jesus, You’re taking care of me just as I am. You love me in any shape I’m in. You created me like this, God. You know that I am a good person and a hard worker. I’m working hard on many things.


but. but. but. but.

(insert all excuses) BUT, God, YOU have CALLED (insert name) to something HIGHER and BIGGER and DEEPER and MORE IMPOSSIBLE than I could ever think of. Lead me, Lord.

So my excuses, and even my feelings are invalid at this point. They don’t hold up to anything. Because when the God of the stinking universe calls you to put in the money, time, effort, work, pain – whatever – YOU DO IT, PEOPLE.

God, You have called me to a high calling. You have equipped me. You have secured me. You LOVE me. I don’t want anything less than to have YOU, Creator of the World, to call me, a lame, incapable person to something for Your Kingdom. Can I do something for You?

His answer is yes. It always is Yes!

That’s when God uses you. That’s when big things happen. That’s when lives are changed.

So help yourself. Help yourself by seeing, searching, listening, and living God’s call to something Higher and Deeper than you think. I promise you won’t regret it.

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